doubt II: electric boogaloo

"Doubt" -- revisited.

You know, I'm really not that insecure of a person.  I just like writing drama -- and sometimes I use insecurity as a dramatic tool.  It's a color in the paint box that most writers are afraid to use.  In this day and age, confidence is currency.  But then again, perhaps it's a mark of real confidence, to be honest and open in those moments when you're lacking confidence?

In reality I'm just working on my craft.  That's all this blog is, that's all it ever will be.

Whatever dark crevices I can pull inspiration out of -- I'll pull.

The truth is, doubt is something that all of us deal with on a daily basis.  Doubt is with us when we wake up, it sits next to us in the car on the way to work, it pops up on billboards and TV screens and advertisements, and in our daily interactions with friends and coworkers alike. It lives in our house, sleeps in our bed, steals food from our kitchen, pisses in our sink, and shits in our shoes.  It looms around every corner -- behind every reflection -- under every shiny facade.

Don't try to tell me you don't know it's there.  You feel it, too.  You see it everywhere you look.

And guess what... It's OKAY to acknowledge that doubt is there!!

Yeesh.  When did it become socially unacceptable to express any sort of psychological weakness?  When was it that everybody suddenly got "better"?  Are there no damaged people left anymore?  Did they all die out, or go into hiding -- or are they just "faking it" like everyone else? Why do we feel this crazy need to "fake it", as though we want other folks to believe our lives are perfect?  Isn't that the definition of insecurity??

Think about this.  The next time you ask someone "how are you?" -- see if they answer you honestly.

Here's a hint:  they won't.

Because in real life, nobody answers that question truthfully. When you ask how they are, the "proper response" is something like "Good" or "Great" or even "F-in' Fantastic, thanks for asking".  Nobody wants to tell you how they're really doing.  They know you just want to hear a positive response!  So they give you what you really want.  That's a socially accepted rule.

So we hide our flaws.  We value perfection -- but not only that -- we value the ability to project perfection.

Here's a weird, radical idea: That is bullshit.

No way should that be one of our social values. We aren't perfect, none of us.  Let's stop pretending we are.  Let's celebrate our flaws -- because they make us human.

[/soap box]